Digital Liat

12:04 am - I was laying on the floor by the computer

and I thought I might as well update. It is too hot here. There is a strange cat boarding in the dog's room. Yesterday they took me to the vet and I had to have my temperature taken and an injection. I am thinking about going on strike. But at least I still get to roost between the laundry baskets in the closet.

07:53 pm - A Not-So Forgotten Kitty

So, it's been a really long time since I've been able to update this journal. Mostly because the computers have either been off, or occupied. Darn humans. We've gotten settled into the new place pretty well. The big beast (the dog, not Cody) has been pretty good about leaving me alone, though she does like to sniff my ass (???) whenever the humans hold me in place. They say it's so the dog can get to know me, but if that is the case...WHY DOES THE DOG INSIST ON DOING IT EVERY F***ING TIME SHE SEES ME!?!?!?

Oh well. I get my time away from the dog. There is much time spent in corners and on beds asleep.

So recently I had a really bad case of fleas (well, so did everybody else, but that's not important) and it took the humans until I was practically pulling my hair out in front of them before they finally got me a treatment. And you know what that was...a.sponge.bath. You know what....those sponge bath things that they sell at the pet store. C-R-A-P. Crap. It didn't do anything for me. So after that didn't work they went and got me a treatment of this liquid that they put on the back of my neck. It was cold and uncomfortable. And what really sucked is that it was on the back of my neck so I couldn't clean it off!

But anyways. I pretty much have a room to myself. Well, other than Alika perching on the printer. That should be my place.

Damn dog. Come in here for water! This is MY ROOM! Go back to the other room! I'm trying to type!

Sorry for the interruption folks.

Anyways...I guess it isn't really my room...wait what am I saying...this whole apartment is mine. Because I rule the world. Hah, Cody is in the window being a spaz-cat. When is he going to learn that there is glass between him and real world.

So about this new apartment. The window sills are too small. Barely enough room for me to turn around in, let alone sit comfortably. There are good hiding places, and most important of all: there are cabinets.

So, yeah. I'll update as I get a chance...but for now, I have been told that my minions (Cody, Alika, and the big beast) have created LiveJournals of their own. SO GO READ THEM!

09:36 pm

10:21 pm - Finally!!!

I finally have computer access!!! yay! Now I can update you all on what's been going on in my ever so important life!

So, as I'm sure you know, my humans have moved and dragged me along with them (not that I mind, see, because that old place...phew, did it ever stink...and it wasn't just Cody's ass!) Moving really sucked, we (me, Alika, and Cody) were locked in a small room for several days at one of my human's parents house as a mid point to moving into the new place. In some ways it was kind of cool. There were many little hiding places in the room due to the multitudes of stuff lining the sides of the room. There was barely enough room for my humans to stand in. It wasn't the greatest of places, but I'm sure there's worse.

Traveling in the car was interesting. Alika was making more noise than I've ever heard her make before, and, my god! She wouldn't shut up! Cody had to be rolled into a ball and stuffed into his carrying case (it was kind of funny to watch but that's what he gets for hogging the food dish!)

This new place is really nice. My litter boxes are secluded, so I don't have to be watched by the humans when I use the litter box. The food is secluded in a closet also, so I don't have to be out in the open when I'm eating, and it's easier to knock Cody away if he tries to come intrude on my feeding time. Best of all, there is space on top of the cabinets in the kitchen for me to sit on. So I can survey my domain and lord over my minions.

And speaking of my minions.... The humans brought Alika with them, which is cool because ever since we left the old place, she has been acting more like a cat and less like a neurotic weirdo (he was the one we were leaving, I guess). They also went and replaced the dog with a new dog. The stinky human came and took Kaia and so my humans went out THE NEXT DAY! and got a new dog. This one is bigger and stinkier than the last, but she does tend to leave me and my fellow felines alone more. She is more interested in pleasing the humans, can you imagine that! Please a human, humans are here to please ME!

But anyway, stuff is still not unpacked completely, so there are places to hide when the canine is out and about. The nice thing is, if the canine gets too rowdy, the humans lock her up. WAY COOL! That means that I don't have to deal with it at all.

All in all, this has been a good change. And my humans still pay appropriate homage to me when I walk by. Though they do like to torment me sometimes, so I have to teach them a lesson - a lesson with claws.

02:02 pm - Now It's My Turn

I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then, I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

12:06 pm - Computer time at last!

My human is sick. He is laying in the big bed looking sleepy most of the day. He just whines when I claw him to try to get him to play with me. Fortunately, however, this means he is not using the computer very much. So I finally get a chance to update my blog!

I think I have the dog mostly trained. She stays away from me most of the time, and lets me sleep on the corner of the bed without interruption. Mostly she chases Alika, but that is because Alika reacts to her. I know better than to react.

The other day my sick human and one of the other humans were watching a movie in the living room, something with a big orange cat in it that looked like Cody. But it was named "Cat." How lame! Ever heard of a human named "Human"? Of course not!

Anyways I thought they were paying way too much attention to that nonsense, so I climbed on top of the TV, laid down on the warm part, and put my head down over the screen. They should listen to me, not some cat named Cat! I started to tell them about the discoveries I have made under the dishwasher and in the cupboard above the refrigerator, but they kept watching the dumb movie. So I just went to sleep. Oh well, they will regret ignoring me when they see the creatures that are living under things in the kitchen...

01:09 am - Chaos!

I haven't updated in a long time, I know. Why? Because my people have been really incredibly difficult lately.

First, they rearranged the WORLD, which lead to the Portal incident I described last time--I'm still recovering from THAT! Then they completely changed the turf configuration in the house. Jeff, Alika's human, no longer resides in his bedroom. He now lives in the living room. That means that both Alika and the dog are in the living room--MY living room--all the time too. This might be ok, because Jeff likes me and is strangely flattered when I jump on his desk and dance. He pets me and lets me sit on the top of his towering desk fort for afternoon suveilliance of the other pets. But it's not fun adjusting to the constant presence of my rival, Alika, and the hound.

Now that all the humans live in the living room (damn those bastards can be logical sometimes!) they are a lot louder too. So I had to adjust my sleeping spots and meditation habits to accomodate this inconvenience. I still have the ugly taupe chair for meditation and, as a bonus, Jeff leaves his big coat in it, which makes it into a nice bed. Not to mention, when I sleep in the coat, the dog can't see me.

I think something is up with Jasper and Jeff, too, but I don't pay that close of attention except when Jasper is sad and needs me to lay on his side and talk some sense into him, late at night when he can't sleep. He lays there all worried and upset and pining, and I try to explain the facts of life to him. He acts like Jeff is a can of tuna, and he (Jasper) is Cody. Weird. Jeff is not much like a can of tuna at all! He smells like the outdoors, and he is very fast. Cody is worried about the situation because he thinks that soon Jeff might usurp his spot on the bed. So, I say, just take up more space! No one can usurp a true feline from his or her spot on the bed!

Chaotic humans. They are so dumb. If only they knew the true value of routine! Instead, like a dog, they are always sniffing out the exotic and chasing down other creatures. The more they are told they can't have something, the more they want it. And their food is GROSS!

09:53 am - Scary!

This weekend the humans decided they had to rearrange the whole house, and run the evil sucking machine. I just tried to stay out of the way, especially since the dog was all overexcited about things and was bouncing off the walls the whole time they were working. Also, it was really windy outside and that always puts Alika in a bad mood. When she is in a bad mood, she chases me and tries to bite me. She's weird.

So I spent most of my time hidden behind the drapes in one of the bedrooms or under the futon, my favorite hiding place. I was getting really angry because the stupid humans and their stirring things up were being loud, and making the other animals act all hyper. Sometimes I wish they'd just get a bigger apartment where I could have my own bedroom.

Just as I was starting to get really fed up and thinking about jumping on top of the fridge and hiding inside the top cabinet, something really scary happened. The Portal to the Outside, which usually only opens for a second or two at a time as humans and the dog come and go, blew open because of a gust of wind, and stayed open. I looked over at the humans. They were too busy huffing and puffing moving things around and running the sucking machine to notice. So I went over to the Portal to sniff, and see what was going on.

I hate the outdoors. Before I moved in with the humans, I lived out there, and had some terrible experiences, most notably going without food for a long time and having a litter of kittens I didn't want. Still, sometimes I miss the freedom of that wandering life, and the sheer number of high places and small places I could hide in.

I crept towards the Portal cautiously. You never know what to expect outside, and I don't miss that uncertainty. I walked over towards the door and started to stick my head out to look around. Ouch, it's bright out there. I forgot, everything out there is bright, except at night. Weird.

Then I heard a commotion inside. Jasper had noticed the Portal was hanging open, and he was panicked, trying to find all of the others to make sure we didn't get lured into the outdoors. He found Alika in the bathroom and closed her in there. They closed the dog into Jeff's room. They found Cody under his table and closed him in with Alika--I heard him shout, "god, be gentle, I just washed my coat this morning!" as they pushed him behind the door. But they couldn't find me.

I thought about staying outside to teach them a lesson about rearranging and disrupting my living room peace, but I knew it wasn't worth it, especially if I got lost and had to beg for food again. And then I heard Jasper call my name, panicked but trying to sound friendly, like he wanted to scratch my ears or something. I ran back in the house and hid under his bed. I would miss sitting on his desk getting my back scratched and playing computer games, ashamed as I am to admit it!

The humans didn't see me run into the bedroom though, and they continued to search for me, frantic. I was scared and stayed under the bed. Finally, Adam found me there and told Jasper it was ok. Jasper ran up to me and picked me up in that overenthusiastic human way, and started crying on my nice clean fur. "What would I do without my Liat?" he said, "I think I would die." I purred while he scratched my chin. I hate the humans, but I love them anyways.

01:15 pm - Dogs

I just don't get it. I have been sitting on the couch with Cody minding my own business after a hectic morning (more about that later) and the dog will not leave me alone. She thinks I am pretty little plaything for her amusement, and she wants me to come romp with her and play "chase." She probably thinks I am refusing because I am afraid of her. Actually, it's quite the opposite. I refuse to play her little games because I know that if she played "chase" with me, I could shred her to ribbons. I may weigh 1/5th what she does, but I am 500 times smarter, and 1000 times better at karate, tae kwan do, and ninjitsu. I don't like the dog, but I don't want to send her to the vet--and I know that is what would happen if we went dog-on-cat with each other.

So yeah, the dog is relentless though. She thinks I care about all this stupid crap that she cares about, when I don't. Why can't she just leave me alone? Like, when Adam, the skinny human, gets ready for work, or even just puts his coat on to go to the mailbox, the dog comes running up to me and says, in her really primitive dog language:

"CAT! LOOK! Human goes away! Go catch! We go catch?"

I can't believe she thinks I would help her "catch" a human. So I said back:

"I don't care. Humans get to come and go. They like the outside. I don't. Bugger off."

The dog started drooling and panting, because she can't understand what I say, apparently, and just gets excited that I am actually dignifying her nonsense with a response. She said:

"CAT! LOOK! Human goes away! Takes Dog with! Cat come with?"

I rolled my eyes and gave into the temptation yet again to respond to her:

"I don't care. Go with the human. Please. I like my couch."

She made some high pitched whining noises, obviously able to tell I was displeased:

"CAT!?! Please! Dog LONELY!!"

I hissed and showed my teeth. She was starting to really get on my nerves:

"Can the whining, Dog, or I'll take your nose off. And I MEAN it!"

"DOG LONELY!!!!"

And then she ran off to Jasper, who told her she was being too hyper, and made her lay down. Stupid dog, listening to a human! Oh well, at least this time it worked in my favor.

10:47 am - It's just twisted

You know what is just plain wrong? PEOPLE. They are SO unoriginal. I set up a list of interests here, like you're supposed to do http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=liatcat and half of them were ALREADY TAKEN BY PEOPLE! People are such followers. They think that just because their cat has a pet rock http://www.livejournal.com/interests.bml?int=my+pet+rock they should have one too. Same with hunting mice and pieces of string. I must say, I was astounded to see I am the only feline lipstick lesbian on all of LJ. And at least no one has taken "crawling under the dishwasher" or "sitting atop the fridge," or, most importantly, "shoelace fragments" yet.

They will though. I just know it.

My person, bossy SOB that he is, wants me to tell you all to read this important announcement about MY publishing company:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/jasperboi/32809.html

So, I have to keep this short since the beast is roaming and is sitting at my feet trying to get me to entertain it. I will NOT entertain it. I will leap onto the top of the bookcase and engage in surveilliance until 2 pm, when Alika takes over the shift, then I will go sleep in my DVD box until dinnertime.

09:46 pm - Tiring day

Today was a long day. It was hard to drag myself out of the nest on the couch to write this first entry in my blog. The main reason for this difficulty was the fact that Cody, my cumbersome orange companion, was using my ass as his pillow. It's good to have such a close friend as Cody--if for no other reason than to have someone to wash those hard-to-reach places on my back and head--but sometimes he can be annoying. He is so clumsy and kittenish, he's always falling on me or getting his claws stuck on things while we are doing secret expeditions--the ungodly squeal of his kittenish whine gives us away everytime, and the humans turn to see him dangling by one arm from one of their favorite pieces of furniture. So embarrassing.

Anyhow, today I had a rather interesting encounter with a roll of toilet paper. The humans were in the office with their beast, and I was taking advantage of the quiet time to wash, groom, and get a little exercise. I was washing my tail and singing to myself, sitting on the back of the couch, in a rather good mood, when I encountered some sticky, unruly hairs on the end of my tail. They refused to lay down and stay in place. I suspect they were contaminated with some of the glue from Cody's pet tape wad. I licked them good, several times, to no avail. In my frustration, I bit at the roots of the offending hairs, only to be shocked by the realization that I had accidentally chomped down on the end of my tail, hard. Now I was angry. Cody's stupid tape balls cause nothing but trouble for me, though I know it's not his fault for liking them--the humans got him started on it because they thought it was "cute."

I shouted out "fucking DAMN!" and spun around and grasped my tail, damndable thing that it is, always getting things stuck to it. This caused the ears of the humans to perk up, and they turned around giggled at me, mocking the frustration I now felt so acutely. They think it is really funny when I swear, sing, or say pretty much anything. This is because Cody almost never speaks, he just whines and cries, and Alika just sort of grunts. So they aren't used to the idea of a cat that has something to say.

I ignored the humans and continued with my verbal tirade at the tail, tape wads, Cody, and the world. I stomped my feet a few times, and pounced on my tail and bit it a few more times, too frustrated to care that it hurt me every bit as much as it hurt the tail. This whole time I was cussing, and the humans were mocking my words in their primitive tongue, and restraining the beast, who wanted to take advantage of my being distracted to come sniff my ass or something absurd like that. Then, as I was racing around in a furor, a small piece of cardboard caught my attention. It appeared to belong to the pudgy human who is home all the time--Jasper. I figured he'd think twice about mocking my anger if, in my anger, I destroyed one of his belongings. I bit down on the cardboard, and tore into it with my claws. Then, shouting "mock this, primate!" I carried the cardboard fragment to the other end of the couch and bandied it about, making sure the humans saw what I was doing.

Then, in my frenzy of activity, I must have knocked something over, because the next thing you know...my face was covered with white tissue. TOILET PAPER. The humans had left it on the ledge where I like to sit, and now it was unravelling all over the place. DAMN it for getting in my way! I stepped on it, unravelling it further, and began to eat as much of it as I could stomach. I am a fan of a good paper snack, but this wasn't even the good tp, it was the cheap brand, which tends to give me diarrhea. Still, it was getting in my way, I might as well eat it, I figure.

Then the cardboard fell off the back of the couch. DAMN! How will I ever impress the might of my wrath upon the other creatures in the house if my hostage objects always escape? I tried to dive after it, but the margin was too narrow, and I nearly got my head stuck between the couch and the wall.

Humiliated and furious, I ran away from the scene and hid under the bed, where I continued to wash. Then the humans went out, with the beast, and I curled up with Cody in our nest, and that is where I spent the rest of the day.

Current Mood: aggravated